Facts Nobody Told You About a Traditional Indian Wedding

Traditional Hindu Marriage

Hi readers, please accept my sincere apologies for the long gap in posting articles. I was busy attending my cousin’s marriage in my native place in Andhra Pradesh.  During this period, I came to know about so many important aspects of marriage like its importance, customs etc., which I didn’t exactly know of.  A thought was blinking in my mind that I have to write an article about this very important aspect of our life and the marriage which I experienced during my cousin’s marriage. I hope you all enjoy the same and gain some knowledge about traditional Indian marriage.  

Introduction to Indian Marriage System 

A Hindu wedding, known as Vivaha in Sanskrit or Lagna or Kalyanam is the traditional wedding ceremony for Hindus. The wedding ceremonies are very colourful, and celebrations may extend for several days. The bride's and groom's home entrance, doors are often decorated with colourful flowers, balloons, etc. 

The word Vivaha originated as a sacred union of people as per Vedic traditions, i.e. what many call marriage, but based on cosmic laws and advanced ancient practices. Under Vedic Hindu traditions, marriage is viewed as one of the Samskaras, which are lifelong commitments of wife and husband. In India, marriage has been looked upon as having been designed by the cosmos and considered as a "sacred oneness witnessed by the fire itself." 

What is the marriage system in India and how it works? 

In India, the process of arranged marriage is changing(or advancing I must say) from being controlled by the parents to more of a team effort between parents and their children. In the past, the bride and groom usually would not see each other before the wedding. Now, parents act more as matchmakers for their adult children.  

Arranged marriages have long been the norm in Indian society. Even today, the majority of Indians have their marriages planned by their parents and other respected family members. Fewer marriages are purely arranged without consent and that the majority of surveyed Indian marriages are arranged with consent. 

What is the importance of marriage in India? 

Marriage is the beginning, the beginning of the family, and is a life-long commitment. It also provides an opportunity to grow in selflessness as you serve your spouse and children. Marriage is more than a physical union; it is also a spiritual and emotional union. Many Hindus see marriage as a life-long, sacred ceremony that binds a man and woman together. 

The Saptapadi (Sanskrit “seven steps”;  "Saat Phere" in Hindi) is the most important ritual of Vedic Hindu weddings and represents the legal element of the Hindu marriage ceremony. 

While the saree is preferred as the bridal dress in South, West and East India, traditional wear such as the Mekhela Sador is preferred in North-east India and brides of the North of India prefer Lehenga, Gagra Choli and Odni as bridal dresses. 

Traditional Andhra Wedding Ceremony 

The Telugu Hindu wedding is the traditional ceremony of the Telugu people in India. In the 19th century, the ceremony would last up to sixteen days (literally - Padahaaru Rojula Panduga). In modern times, it can last two or more days, depending on the family's financial and social status. The Pelli or wedding is considered the strongest of social bonds and is said to spiritually merge two souls opening the doors to gruhastaashramam (household life). There is a Telugu saying that "Marriage is supposed to be a family union and not an individual's formality." However, with changing mindset of the younger generation and due to globalization, marriage these days is being mainly focused solely on the union of the young couple only. 

Mandapam

Telugu marriage is sanctified by seven pledges made by the bride and groom and begins when the bride and groom have completed seven revolutions around a sacred fire. Symbolic gestures and rituals surround the ceremony and ensure that the bride and groom are united in the presence of Panchabhutaalu —five essential elements for life, namely: Bhumi (earth), Akaasham (sky), Agni (fire), Neeru (water) and Vaayuvu (air). The ceremony is held under a Kalyana Mandapam or wedding pavilion decorated with fresh flowers. The Nadasvaram (also called the Shehnai in North India) is an Indian musical instrument that traditionally accompanies most Telugu weddings.

Nadaswaram

Each element in the ceremony is connected and is given special importance. Historically, the groom would ride an elephant to the bride's home where the wedding is supposed to take place. This practice is called Gajaarohana. Today this tradition is declining. Some marriage ceremonies are held in a temple in the presence of God, but most are conducted outside because of the number of people in attendance. After every ceremony, they serve food to all the guests, which is also the main part of the culture of offering food to anyone who comes on an auspicious day. It is also a tradition to eat desserts or sweets after dinner because it is considered auspicious. All the rituals conducted throughout the Telugu wedding ceremony hold religious significance. 

The decorations mostly consist of rich colourful flowers and mango leaves. Families renovate their houses and invite all the guests to go to each of their houses by the use of kumkuma (colourful, decorative powder). 

Pre-Wedding Customs  

The rich and varied cultural heritage of Telugu speaking people is reflected in the ceremonies conducted there. Almost all festivals are celebrated with religious observances, holding supreme importance in the lives of the state's residents. 

Nischitartham  

Nischitartham means engagement. The two families meet to perform rituals to make the engagement official. A muhurtam (auspicious date & time) for the wedding is decided based on horoscopes. Telugu people generally avoid the months or a time where Aashaadham, Bhadrapadam and Shunya maasam occur because they are considered inauspicious. The couple is then blessed by elders of both families and is given gifts including jewellery and clothing by their new family. During this ceremony, the bride's future mother-in-law presents her with clothes, gold and also silverware, formally ending the engagement (Nischitartham). 

Wedding Customs 

The rituals conducted during the ceremonious occasion of the wedding are different from those conducted in neighbouring southern states of India. The bride's maternal uncle and her brother play a prominent role at the time of her marriage. Unlike other South Indian weddings, the muhurtam in Telugu weddings do not take place in the morning, but close to midnight. Telugu Brahmins' wedding customs differ from the wedding customs of the other Telugu communities. In addition to the rituals mentioned below, their weddings start with rituals common in South Indian Brahmin weddings like Snathakam, Kashi Yatra, Punyahavachanam, Nischitartham, Matrukapujanam, etc. 

Mangala Snanam 

As a part of Mangala Snanam custom, the bride and groom are required to take an auspicious bath on the wedding day. The aim is to purify them and make them prepared to perform sacred rites. This bath is called Abhyangana Snanam. 

Bridal Makeup 

In this ceremony at the bride and groom's respective houses, all the relatives and well-wishers gather and they smear them with turmeric paste (Nalugu - which is a mixture of flours and turmeric powder) and oils. This is done to cleanse their skin so that it radiates a natural glow after they bathe. This is where the actual ceremony begins. They are given a new set of clothing to wear and are blessed that everything goes by well in the preparation. The bride is told not to go out of town until the actual wedding ceremony. 

Aarti or Harathi 

Oil is applied to the bride and groom at their respective houses. Thereafter, the family members get together to perform Aarti. They pray for the bride and groom to be granted the wisdom to lead their lives happily. 

Ganesha and Gauri Puja 

Before the wedding ceremony, the groom attends the Ganesha and Gowri pooja, which is conducted at the mandapam. And the bride does the Gauri Puja at the house with all her family members and relatives attending before going to the ceremony. It is during this time that Pravara a ritual of changing the Bride's gotram (clan) from her paternal gotram to that of the Groom is performed. Elderly couples from both families are required to attend and witness the Pravara while the bride is performing Gauri Puja. 

Kanyadanam 

Kanyadanam is the ceremony in which the girl's family hands over their daughter's responsibility to the groom. During the ceremony, the bride sits in a bamboo basket. Her maternal uncle brings her to the mandapam. Until the completion of the Kanyadanaṃ, the bride and groom are not allowed to look at each other and are separated by a curtain that is placed between them, as a partition. Thereafter, the bride's parents wash the groom's feet, as a gesture of respect because on the day of the wedding the bridegroom is considered as "Lord Vishnu Svarupaṃ" or the incarnation of Lord Vishnu who has come to marry their daughter who is considered as "Devi Lakshmi". The groom is made to chant "Dharmecha Arthecha Kamecha Mokshecha Nathi Charami" three times and assure the bride's father three times that he will remain her companion in joy and sorrow forever. 

Panigrahanam 

This means "holding hands". The groom holds the hand of the bride. The Mantras are spoken: "The Devas have offered you to me so that I may live the life of a householder (Gruhasta); we shall not part from each other." 

Jilakarra Bellam and Madhuparkam 

The priest recites the slokas from the Vedas. Then the couple is asked to place a paste made from cumin seeds and jaggery on each other’s heads. This custom is referred to as Jilakarra-Bellamu. This ceremony is observed to communicate that the married couple's relationship is unbreakable and they are inseparable. This is the actual muhurtaṃ time. The ritual (Pravara) of changing the bride's gotram is once performed again on the mandapam in the presence of the groom and everyone attending the ceremony. Henceforth, the bride no longer belongs to the father's gotra, but now belongs to the groom's. 

As a part of the Madhuparkam ritual, the bride dresses up in a white sari with a red border. The groom wears a white dhoti with a red border. White symbolizes purity and red represents strength.                                                                                                          

Sumangali 

Five married women (Sumangali) accompany the bride. They hold plates containing sacred rice called Akshintalu (a mixture of rice and turmeric powder), while the rest of them hold small lit lamps on their respective plates. Rice represents abundance, while the lit lamps symbolize light. 

Mangalasutra Dharana 

Mangalasutra Dharana means tying Mangalasutra (holy thread). To perform the ritual, the partition between the bride and groom is removed(after the completion of Jilakarra Bellam ritual). Then the groom ties the two strings of Mangalasutram, each with a golden disc called the sutram, around the bride's neck. The Mangalasutram represents the physical, mental and spiritual union of the couple. In the Telugu wedding, the groom ties three knots of Mangalasutra, known as Moodu Mudulu. 

Akshitalu 

In the Akshitalu or Talaṃbralu ceremony, the bride and groom exchange garlands. Married people witnessing this occasion come forward to bless the couple, by sprinkling akshintalu or rice coated with turmeric powder. 

Saptapadi 

As a part of the Saptapadi rituals, the groom and bride walk seven steps together around the Ganapati and Gauri Devi murtis, while taking their oaths of caring, protecting, understanding, loving and guiding each other. Thereafter, the pallu (edge of the sari) of the bride's sari is tied to one end of the groom's scarf (Kanduva). 

Sthalipakam 

Sthalipakam is a ritual wherein the groom adorns the feet of the bride with silver toe rings. It is also believed that the man bends to the woman to claim her as his. Also to ward off the evil eye, the bride is adorned by a string of black beads(nalla pusalu) during the ceremony. These beads, along with the silver toe rings, symbolizes that she is a married woman. After this, a kunda (decorated silver or terra-cotta vessel) full of water is placed in front of the couple, and a ring is put in it. The groom puts his right hand in and the bride puts her left hand in and they fish for the ring. They do this three times and whoever wins more times is considered to be the dominant one in the marriage. This is a time of fun because water splashes everywhere and there are chants and shouts of support for both sides. Also, the bride is made to cook (a namesake meal) on the sacred flame of the Agnihotram, symbolizing she is now responsible for taking care of the health of her husband and family. 

Arundhati Nakshatram 

Arundhati Nakshatram is a ritual where the bride and groom are shown the stars representing Arundhati and Vasistha. These stars represent the perfect couple complementing each other. Mizar and Alcor are two stars forming a double star that can be seen with the naked eye in the handle of the Big Dipper (or the Plough) asterism in the constellation of Ursa Major. Mizar is the second star from the end of the Big Dipper's handle, and Alcor its faint companion. Alcor is recognized as Arundhati. 

Appagintalu 

Appagintalu takes place at the end of the wedding. This is when the bride is traditionally handed to the groom and his family. 

Gruhapravesham 

After the wedding ceremony, the bride is formally taken to the groom’s house. This is called Gruhapravesam of the bride. As she steps into her new home, she is welcomed by the groom’s family members, including his parents and closest relatives. The uniting of Mangalasutram takes place after a fortnight. 

In karanam caste, the consummation takes place depending on tidhi, usually after a gap of one day. Havan puja is performed before the time fixed for the physical consummation of the marriage. 

Satyanarayana Swamy Vratam 

Satyam means "truth" and Narayana means "the highest being" so Satyanarayaṇa means "The highest being who is an embodiment of Truth". The Satyanarayaṇa Vratam is very popular in Andhra Pradesh India. Satyanarayana Vratam is performed by the bride and groom after Grhapravesam in the groom's residence. This puja (ritual) is first mentioned in the Skanda Purana, Reva Kanḍa by Sūta Mahamuni to the rshis in the Naimisharanya (ancient forest). The details are part of the Katha ("story") that is usually read after the puja. The Satyanarayana puja/vratam can be performed on any day except on the new moon. 

Uniting the Mangalasutram 

Gruhapravesam is followed by a ceremony, wherein the Mangalasutram is united. As customary, the Telugu speaking people unite the two Mangalasutrams (which was tied by the groom around the bride’s neck), on a common thread. This ritual is done sixteen days after the wedding. This ritual can be performed by either the groom or an elderly member of the family. A few black or golden beads are slipped between the two 'plates' of the Mangalasutram so that they do not clash with each other. The unison of Mangalasutram signifies the harmony between the two families. After the ceremony is over, the bride takes a bath and wears a new sari. 

Memorable experiences during my Cousin’s marriage 

My cousin’s marriage is one of the memorable functions which I attended in a while.  I will remember this marriage as it was one of the very few marriages in which I attended, observed and participated in the entire event of the marriage. We had to travel via train to Vijayawada.I was happy to travel too, after almost two years due to the COVID-19 Pandemic.  

We reached our destination- Vijayawada. We then freshened up and visited one of the famous temples of Andhra Pradesh, Kanaka Durga Temple. On the next day, there was a pre-wedding ceremony (bridal make-up/Haldi) at the bride’s residence. The bride looked very beautiful in bridal make-up, then, all the elders present came and put akshitalu on her head and gave their blessings to the bride. I closely observed the process and felt overwhelmed as I didn't see it before. The day was very busy with guests and relatives.  

Finally, the wedding day arrived and the day was full of packed events with all the guests and relatives. An event named Kaal Gorulu was held in the day. The bridegroom with Barath arrived in the evening at the marriage venue where they were received by the bride’s parents and relatives with enthusiasm and honour from the bottom of heart. Wedding customs were then performed with full vigour and enthusiasm.  The decoration of the Mandapam was the highlight of the wedding. Seating arrangements for 150 guests were made as per the government norms due to the COVID-19 pandemic. The reception was held around late evening, followed by a Wedding Dinner organised for all the guests. The wedding took place at midnight around 3. 

One of the Happiest Moments

Conclusion 

Marriage is considered to be a social institution in India and one of the most important events in your life. It is a 'sanskara' or purificatory ceremony obligatory for every Hindu. The Hindu religious books have enjoined marriage as a duty because an unmarried man cannot perform some of the most important religious ceremonies. Marriage represents a multi-level commitment, one that involves person-to-person, family-to-family, and couple-to-state commitments. In all societies, marriage is viewed as a relatively permanent bond, so much so that in some societies it is virtually irrevocable. 

Word of Author 

In fact, it was a great experience for me and it will be memorable.  I am very much impressed with the customs and traditions, and the reasons behind them - which are being followed in a traditional Hindu Marriage.  

I think everyone who goes through the article may be familiar with some and find some new things regarding a traditional Hindu Marriage. Please do give your feedback.